I am through with asking forgiveness for scumbags like Jerry Sandusky. Having always deemed pedophiles the most vile pieces of garbage, I have valiantly tried to mask my hate by praying for their recovery. What an idiot! I hereby cast off any positive consideration of these reprehensible perverts and, yes, I am going to play “Holier than thou Joe,” condemn them. May Sandusky and his ilk become chummy with those who, in more ways than one, will show them what it means to horse around.
I loathe saying this, but congratulations to the Miami Heat. I usually accept greatness easily, but LeBron James has bothered me for years. I cannot say he ascends to the top of my Christmas gift-giving list (quite sparse anyway, so he should feel honored even to have me mention him), but I admire how easily he thrashed Oklahoma City. Talk that the Thunder were too young irked me. Kevin Durant and the gang possessed enough maturity to down the Lakers and Spurs, after all.
James Van Riemsdyk, we hardly knew you! Here is hoping that you make a deep playoff run, too, a la Mike Richards and Jeff Carter. Because you play for Toronto, the league might have to go back to having only six teams, but, hey, anything is possible. Who had the Kings winning the Stanley Cup?
Freddy Galvis, I hardly want to know you. What a moron! Your lusty .226 average surely makes that 50-game suspension for using performance enhancing drugs worthwhile, Freddy User. I hope you enjoy your nightmare on Broad Street. You play in a hardnosed town with fans who love natural effort. Good luck winning them to your side.