An average Joe

Though I aspire to greatness, it seems Valentine’s Day has me in love with thoughts of mediocrity. The Phillies’ pitchers and catchers reported to spring training yesterday, and how I wish I were in line for the fifth starter position! Imagine the lack of pressure the holder of this title, likely Joe Blanton, will hold this season.

Nobody will expect the hurler to reach double figures in wins. In fact, who will notice if he even hits triple digits in innings? With Halladay, Lee, Oswalt and Hamels in front of him, the fifth starter will have fewer expectations than Cleveland Cavaliers’ fans.

  Send me out every fifth day to earn the bare minimum salary. I might even forsake payment just to fraternize with the four aces. My position would certainly be among the least troubling. It would certainly be less stressing than what Jerry Sloan went through in Utah. That poor guy had me thinking the Jazz would make the NBA Finals this year. I thought I had given up on fairy tales. Maybe I will coax him down to Florida to enjoy his retirment.

Throwing my off-speed junk would not tax me as much as the Miami Heat’s futile attempts to beat the Boston Celtics do the Sunshine State’s faithful. I would need nobody to root for me, setting me far above Tiger Woods, who is sliding down the golf rankings with as much rapidity as he took down his pants in his many affairs.

Even the Sixers would have more eyes watching. I would only stimulate remote controls and runs to concession stands. I could be for the economy what President Obama’s stimulus plan has not. My fastballs would have children giving up on Santa Claus, as I would be the chief gift giver in their lives.

I want that spot! Surely I would slightly tarnish the amazing season fans are expecting, but I am sure they could cope with 120 wins. Gladys Knight talked about a lover’s catching the midnight train to Georgia. I want a midnight flight to Florida. Wish me luck, or, should I say, wish me mediocrity.

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4 responses to “An average Joe

  1. Imagine though Joe The Ego of Joe Blanton. I watched the news tonight on a few different channels and occasions. He was like an afterthought to every report on the Phillies Pitching staff. It was like “Oh yeah and Joe Blanton is here also”. He is a Major League Pitcher. How many kids play little league baseball, go on to College baseball or minor league baseball and never make the majors. The worse pitcher on the worse team in Major League Baseball is better than 98% or more of the pitchers who ever picked up a baseball and threw a slider, a curveball or a fastball in anger or in total happiness just to be doing so.
    Joe Blanton not that many years ago when the Phillies signed him was actually thought of as a possible number one. When he was with I believe the Oakland A’s he was considered one of the best pitchers of their staff. Maybe even a possible number one contender there also. He pitched his heart out last year for the Phillies and had some awfully good games along with a few bad ones. He won some big ones for them during the season his own self. Now he is relegated to the role of an afterthought on a “super staff”. I can imagine that he is probably thinking “hey what about me? I am a freaking Major Leaguer my own self and in fact a pretty good one”. I am sure he doesn’t want to be the “forgotten man”.
    I think he is going to have a super year that may or may not get lost in the stats of the “Best staff ever in MLB”. He may just surprise everyone and be a 12 to 15 game winner his own self. Suppose Hamels has the year he had two years ago? Joe B. May become number 4. Suppose Doc, Os, or Cliff get hurt early on (God I certainly hope not) he may become a number three or even a number two if both of those scenerios happen. I doubt it myself but that is why they play the game.
    If they didn’t do that we may as well just say Doc finished 22-7, Os Finished 21-9, Cole Finished 20-10 and Cliff finished best of all at 24-4 with JB bringing up the rear at 9-10. Skip the season and the play-offs and just move onto the WS with the Phillies playing Texas.

    Or Heck maybe we will look at another sport and the Sixers are going to get even hotter than they are now and knock off everyone in the East and they are going to meet your afore mentioned Jazz for the NBA Championship.

    That’s why they play the game my friend! 🙂

  2. A reporter said to Cole Hamels yesterday “yes; your starting pitching staff is great but there is only one World Series ring amongst you”. Joe Blanton spoke up and said “excuse me you are wrong about that. There are two World Series Rings and champions on this Pitching staff.”

    I think all of this may just motivate Blanton into having a Monster Year. All of the things with the Phillies going out and getting number one pitchers from other teams did not start with Lee, Halladay or Oswalt. it started in 2008 when they got the “number one” off of the Oakland A’s. A Guy by the name of Joe Blanton. Is he the number one on this staff? I don’t think so! But is he mediocre, I’d have to say a big heck no on that one! He is what all of us who ever played the game as a kid dreamed of being. A thing that very few of us have the special talent that it takes to become. That is a player in the Major League of Baseball!

    Great article again as usual Joe. Very well thought out and written and makes the reader think and opens the door for discussion. Thes are all of the things that an excellent writer does!

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