No, I have not lost my ability to spell, my educated amigos. I have decided to indulge my love of puns in my latest entry as the resident naysayer.
The Phillies finished a sweep of the Pittsburgh Pirates today. I hope the team and the fans are not that impressed, as the Bucs, no matter what progress they have made this year, still stink. The local boys will not impress me until they can begin to prove themselves against the San Francisco Giants.
Expecting to see Tim Lincecum, I attended July 26’s game against the California club. The pitcher, whose Oct. 2009 marijuana possession incident inspired my wordplay, had the flu and likely had to tend to another sort of hurling. When I saw that Barry Zito would be his replacement, I knew the Phillies’ bats would explode. Three home runs off the lefty proved I should still consider running for president in 2016. If I can predict blowouts, who is to say I would not see the consequences of bailouts?
The hometown nine returned to earth the next two days against Matt Cain and Lincecum, who helped to deal the Phillies their first two-game losing streak since early June. I knew Pittsburgh would be a remedy for theirs swings, but the Steel City dwellers are the epitome of boredom.
If the Phillies want to shut my mouth, they need to make a huge statement Aug. 4-7 in The City by the Bay. Splitting the series will do nothing to make me feel fuzzy. Scoring two victories should not content them either. If the Phillies want to soften my hard heart, they need to win at least three of the games. Hammering Cain and Lincecum might just lead my doubt to vanish in the air, much like Lincecum’s pot smoke.