I fear I am becoming sick. Prior posts have revealed that the Eagles delight me like nude beaches thrill eunuchs, so my positive views on their prospects must indicate delirium.
I have followed the Birds for 22 of my 32 years, meaning 69 percent of my life has gone to trying to decipher how they consistently lure folks into believing they will raise the Vince Lombardi Trophy. Maybe I am still radiating the glow of new fatherhood, as I feel the need to dispense with complete negativity when pondering this year’s squad.
I saw not one snap of the preseason, but its games usually yield as much as President Obama’s State of the Union addresses. Sixteen authentic chances to impress await, and I see victories in 14 of those contests.
Yes, 14 wins! That total would set a franchise record and would certainly guarantee home field advantage in the playoffs. I became incredulous when a look at their schedule led me to predict nine straight triumphs to begin the season. Please note they won 10 last year, so I must be suffering from an affliction that has yet to reveal its devastating aims.
The Eagles should be undefeated when they head to MetLife Stadium Nov. 20. I know all about their mastery of the New York Giants and expect for them to wallop their NFC East colleagues Sept. 25 at Lincoln Financial Field. I see Eli Manning and his boys exacting revenge and pulling to within two games in the division with a close win.
Call me whatever you wish, for I like the New England Patriots and expect Tom Brady to remind Nnamdi Asomugha and Dominique Rodgers-Cromartie that his right arm possesses more ability than their feet. Plus, his appendage often interlocks with Gisele Bündchen’s left arm, so take that, new guys!
Momentum will soar again when the Birds dump their last five opponents, including the hated Dallas Cowboys and Washington Redskins. I expect their division mates to stink anyway, but wins are wins, especially ones that help to end 2011 and start 2012 on good notes.
Along the way, the footballers will disappoint a few solid teams, including the Atlanta Falcons, Chicago Bears, the New York Jets and Arizona Cardinals, with ex-Bird Kevin Kolb throwing multiple interceptions for the Grand Canyon State squad, and a few awful teams. Hello, St. Louis (I am not into the Sam Bradford hype), San Francisco (Steve Young, where are you?) and Buffalo (not even the personnel from their four Super Bowl teams in their primes could stop the annihilation).
Their mark will give the Birds a bye and a mid-January clash with the New Orleans Saints. Dumping them, they will have their rubber match with the Giants and will intercept Manning, who will likely be eager to console brother Peyton after the Colts miss the playoffs, at least three times.
They will play the Patriots Feb. 5 at Indianapolis’ Lucas Oil Stadium and will again fail, with Michael Vick likely to mimic Donovan McNabb’s inability to come through against Brady’s bunch.
While no parade will be able to complement the certain Phillies’ celebration, the Birds will be primed to win the Super Bowl in 2013. I need to lie down now for fear I will predict a 100-point season from Jaromir Jagr.